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You can wash your vehicle in the rain, but should you?
That’s the dilemma I faced on a soggy Sunday afternoon. It had been a while since I took hose, soap and sponge to my old pickup truck. In that time, it collected road dust, tree sap and a few splotches I could not identify.
is editor of The McDowell News in Marion, North Carolina, and a humor columnist. Contact him at rhollifield@mcdowellnews.com.
My significant other mentioned a few times the increasingly grungy nature of my ride.
These were subtle hints like, “Maybe you should wash your truck” or “I don’t think I have ever seen a dirtier vehicle” or “You could not pay me to be seen in that thing.”
“Now you wait a goldurn minute,” I finally said, letting her know who wears the pants in this relationship. “This is an 18-year-old truck made for hard work and rambunctious play, not some shiny toy for a drugstore cowboy who gets his Calvin Klein’s in a knot when something scratches the bed. Why, in the last year I’ve hauled a load of mulch, a propane tank, a...uh, well, that’s about it. That said, I will wash my truck when I get good and darn well ready.”
That night, as I tossed and turned on the couch, I figured I was good and darn well ready.
But then it rained. And it rained the next day and the next and I kept putting it off until the truck needed to go into the shop, not because it was dirty but because of engine problems.
I’m not mechanically inclined, but even I knew when a vehicle idles like an off-balance washing machine on spin cycle and the engine light flashes like slot machine jackpot, the vehicle needs a trip to the shop.
To be honest, I didn’t want the fellows at the shop seeing how dirty my truck was at that point.
I imagined they would shake their heads, and one would tip back his cap and say, “When do you think he’ll get good and darn well ready to wash this thing?”
Because it was apparently the monsoon season, it continued to rain right through the day before the trip to the shop. Since I had already proven I wear the pants, I pulled on a pair I didn’t mind getting wet and told my significant other, “I’m going out to wash the truck.”
“It’s raining,” she said. “The neighbors are going to think you’re on drugs.”
“I am on drugs,” I said. “I chased down my statin with a beta blocker and half a bottle of Maalox. I’m bouncing off the freakin’ walls.”
First, though, I needed to consult the all-knowing, all-seeing internet to find out if washing a vehicle in the rain is a good idea.
“In my own personal (and a bit crazy) opinion is that one of the best times to wash your car is actually WHEN it is raining,” writes the author of an article on DriveDetailed. “As far as I’m concerned there are no REAL negatives of washing your car in the rain.”
He notes the positives as saving time and water on pre-rinse and helping to wash off shampoo.
The website CarwashCountry says, “In general, it’s not a good idea to actually wash your car in the rain if you are concerned with water spots.”
Then there is pollution in some parts of the country.
“Substances left behind by acid rain can etch into the clear coat of your car over time and make it harder to restore later on,” says the author.
Plus, the neighbors will think you’re on drugs.
After much conflicting information on the internet, I hitched up the pants I wear in the relationship, went outside in the rain and washed that truck.
You know why? Because I was good and darn well ready. And the couch is uncomfortable.
Scott Hollifield is editor of The McDowell News in Marion, North Carolina, and a humor columnist. Contact him at rhollifield@mcdowellnews.com.
Get opinion pieces, letters and editorials sent directly to your inbox weekly!
Mary Sanchez: Texas Gov. Abbott's migrant bus stunt could work - accidentally
Mary Sanchez, Tribune Content Agency
In the race to prove who is the most politically smug and cravenly obtuse to human rights, Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis just pulled into the lead.
Perhaps you didn't realize there was a contest. But there's a struggle among some Republican governors to see who can poke the hardest at the resolve of Democrat-run cities that have long professed to be welcoming to immigrants.
The gamesmanship began in April. That's when Texas Gov. Greg Abbott began shoving migrants onto buses and sending them to Washington, D.C., New York and Chicago. Arizona Gov. Doug. Ducey soon joined in. More than 10,000 migrants have been sent on their way in this fashion.
Enter DeSantis. He's claiming credit for flying about 50 Venezuelans to tony Martha's Vineyard, which has the image of being a bastion of bucolic relaxation for the well-heeled, and the liberal.
The Venezuelans could have found employment already, if left to their own ingenuity, despite it being the end of the summer season. They're migrants, after all, people who exemplify the entrepreneurial grit and spirit that all politicians laud, but increasingly fail to uplift in action.
Abbott and DeSantis aren't trying to be generous. They are doing a political stunt. All they really want is to antagonize the Democratic mayors of those cities and score political points for their bases.
Those aims have been accomplished, and possibly more, though inadvertently.
What if Abbott and his mini-him followers among GOP governors are so wrong that they're right? What if Abbott and the other governors cooperated and became a part of the solution?
Consider the possibilities if they changed their approach, and began to treat the migrants with fairness, respect, and -- gasp -- kindness.
But Abbott has no intention of working with the federal system that governs immigration. He's not coordinating any of the busloads with the cities that he crassly labels "sanctuary cities." He's comfortable talking about "open borders" and other dog whistles that cause his right-wing base to cheer.
Here's a statement released by DeSantis: "States like Massachusetts, New York, and California will better facilitate the care of these individuals who they have invited into our country by incentivizing illegal immigration through their designation as 'sanctuary states' and support for the Biden Administration's open border policies."
This is far less President Joe Biden's fault than what the GOP governors wish people to believe. Natural disasters due to climate change, deep corruption in foreign governments, backlogs in our own immigration system and the effects of the pandemic are all involved.
What can't be dismissed is that the U.S.-Mexico border is awash this year with record numbers of desperate people from a wide range of countries presenting themselves to border agents to seek asylum. That's legal. It's their right to try.
The deserts, mountains and city terrain that encompasses the southern border have always been just the first stop.
People want to quickly move on to other cities, to unite with relatives, to chase job opportunities.
What if Abbott and the other mayors coordinated with the federal government and with the cities that he's trying to smugly shame? He could play a hand in solving some of our immigration AND labor problems.
The migrants are generally glad for the free lift. Again, most had planned on trying to travel to other states and cities throughout the U.S. They want to unite with family members. Many believe they can find work (and they likely can, given worker shortages in so many sectors).
Many, especially those from Venezuela and other countries further away from the U.S. border, have already passed through a literal gauntlet of dangers; journeying through jungles, being assaulted by violent criminals and paying bribes to government officials to pass through some territories.
The showmanship antics of a few American governors is nothing by comparison.
But these migrant families need help with basic human needs: food, shelter and safe places for their children.
They also need access to agencies that can help them take legal steps toward refugee status. It's a process, involving immigration courts and basically waiting for a case to be heard, if migrants can show they have a credible fear for not wanting to return to their native lands.
Abbott saw human widgets. The migrants are nothing more than props to him, suitable for shuttling off to the nation's capital like homing pigeons to deliver a snarky message to the Biden administration.
The cities, thankfully, see migrants as human beings. Many Americans in these cities welcome the arrivals, sometimes literally by greeting them. Volunteers and agencies are reacting by calling the governors' bluff.
And the incredibly dysfunctional immigration system isn't designed to handle this many asylum requests efficiently.
The United States is still one of the best places in the world for deserving families to restart, to plug into education and find a way to achieve. That can't be accomplished outside the federal system. It must happen in close coordination with the local governments of places were the migrants want to live and work.
Desperate people seeking asylum aren't political playthings. Congress needs to step up and the governors need to step back and rethink their approach.
Somebody needs to call a truce on this nonsense.
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is editor of The McDowell News in Marion, North Carolina, and a humor columnist. Contact him at rhollifield@mcdowellnews.com.
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